Just In From the Desert

The Tribe has acquired Jairo Asencio from the Bravos for cash.  The 6'2" right-hander, who turns 28 in May, does not have much MLB experience (13 IP, 6.23 ERA), but led the International League in saves in both 2009 and 2011. Asencio, and this will sound familiar, spent the entire 2010 campaign on the restricted list because, up until that point, he had been going by the name Luis Valdez.  The ensuing visa issues forced Asencio/Valdez to remain in the Dominican Republic through the entirity of last season.  He features a 95 mph fastball, a "great" change-up and a "good" slider.  This spring Jairo has a 3.27 ERA in 11 innings, allowing 4 earned runs on 13 hits and 3 walks, while striking out 12.  Oh, and one more thing, he is out of options.  Help to welcome him to the Opening Day roster.  And, yes, lock this one down.

Cheers.

Pretty Girl 03.29.12 - Janel Maloney

Oh, how I miss you, Donna Moss.

Pretty Girl 03.28.12 - Lindsay Ellingson

This girl models bras and panties (yes, panties).  I'd say she's found her calling.  Nice.

Just In From the Desert

Josh Tomlin stretched himself out through 5.2 innings allowing 2 earned on 9 hits while fanning 6.  He'll be fine.  Do not worry.

#5:  0/3 pitched today.  The word on the street is that each will have the opportunity to make one more start, after which the decision will be announced.

Left Of Center:  Status quo.

Somewhere Out There:  This one was whittled itself down to a 3 horse race with the entire triad taking licks against the Cubbies on Wednesday.  Felix Pie (1-1, .259, .670) is still my best choice, but I seem to be in the minority on that.  Russ Canzler (0-4, 2 K, .268, .626) has just one hit in his past 17 ABs along with 9 punch outs.  He has just about played himself into a demotion.  Regardless, I would be shocked if the Tribe exposes Aaron Cunningham (0-2, K, .205, .462) to the waiver wire in an attempt to send him down.

Bench Me:  Nothing today, but it is worth noting that, since March 15th, Jose Lopez has hit .167 (4-for-24) while Andy LaRoche is batting .313 (5-for-16).

Mightier Than the Sword:  Frank Herrmann (5.79) and Dan Wheeler (8.00) each tossed a clean frame with a strikeout.  These would have been the two that I would have picked, sight unseen, at the beginning of camp.  If performance counts for anything, the Indians have to take Jeremy Accardo (1.29) over Wheeler.  Unfortunately, as we all know, logic rarely enters the Indians' decision making process.

Red Tags:  Cristian Guzman has been released and Freddy Lewis has been reassigned to minor league camp.

Split squads tomorrow 4:05 vs the Rox and 4:10 @ the D-Bags.

Flick to Click: Welcome To Obamaville

Fuck!  It's not really a movie!  Those writers should jump Santorum's sinking ship and head out to Hollywood.  They need to meet Michael Bay.  ;-j

And if you're in the mood for more inflammatory rhetoric, this is kinda cool.  (click the photo)

Pretty Girl Update - Jennifer Love Hewitt

JLove has a new show called The Client List.  In it, she takes off most of her clothes a lot.

Just In From the Desert

I know I told you to wait until Thursday, but the Tribe made cuts today.  Lonnie Chisenhall and Matt LaPorta, both former #1 prospects in the system, will begin the year together at AAA Columbus.  Despite the aforementioned similarity, their situations could not be more different.  Chisenhall, only 23 and with exactly 292 AAA plate appearances under his belt, was rushed to the bigs last season in an effort to arouse a flaccid offense.  The Chiz Kid's future is still bright, especially after a bit more seasoning.  LaPorta, on the other hand, has struggled to a career Major League OPS of .701 and did nothing to take advantage of a spring opportunity to win the left field job.  Already 27, he has repeatedly shown the ability to bash AAA pitching (career .953 OPS), making it unlikely that anything he might do in the minors could help to recapture his good standing with the organization.  Oh, the team also reassigned outfielder Chad Huffman to the minor league camp.

Hot Corner:  In the first race to go officially official, Cap'n Jack is your Opening Day third bagger.  To celebrate, Hannahan took the day off.

#5:  Alright folks, here's the wrinkle.  I have incontrovertibly established that Manny Acta is an idiot and today GM Chris Antonetti stated that the top priority is to leave camp with "the best 25 men" even if that means that one of the 5th starter candidates is shuffled to the bullpen.  Acta has already laid the groundwork for this colossal blunder by complimenting Jeanmar Gomez's work "out of the bullpen" early in camp.  Regardless of anyone else tells you, putting Jeanmar in the 'pen as a long man and allowing either Kevin Slowey or David Huff to take the 5 slot would be beyond asinine.  JG won the spot, give it to him.

Left Of Center:  In the classic move of snatching defeat from the jaws of victory, Shelley Duncan took an 0-for-4 handle at the dish today to drop his spring average to .195.  Now I can't be as high on Duncan as I was just 5 days ago, but it truly seems as if he is winning this war of attrition.  Despite a 1-for-14 slump since mashing his 5th spring training bomb, Duncan has the confidence of Antonetti and, by means of cheap deduction, Acta.  Manny says that he has a candidate in mind and Shelley's production (5 HR, 15 RBI) has been the only noteworthy accomplishment by any of the candidates.

Somewhere Out There:  As we're speaking of the same players that were auditioning for the starting job in left, we're left with the same issue, that of being utterly and completely underwhelmed.  There are still five candidates on life support, so let's rank them 5 through 1.  (5) Ryan Spilborghs: 0-1 today, .167 AVG, .456 OPS on the spring.  'Nuff said.  (4) Fred Lewis: 0-1, .200, .635 in just 15 ABs.  The only reason he's not #5 is that Spilborghs is.  (3) Russ Canzler: BB, .297, .690.  I know that he's everybody's darling, but he has just one extra base hit all spring (a double) and he plays left like Luis Valbuena.  (2) Felix Pie: DNP, 231, .622.  This is the guy that I want.  He plays Gold Glove caliber defense and brings some speed and energy to the team.  But the Indians are committed to mediocrity.  (1) Aaron Cunningham: 0-1 today, .216, .486.  He's out of options.  They basically traded two top 50 prospects to get him.  He wins.

Bench Me:  Stop it, Andy LaRoche, you are not making this team.  I do not care that you have a better batting average than Jose Lopez (.391 vs .317) or that you have zero errors and he has 5.  It cannot, it will not, it must not happen!

Mightier Than the Sword:  I'm tired and I'm not going through all of the candidates right now.  I will tell you that Jeremy Accardo (1.29) threw another scoreless inning, fanning two.  How do you not give this guy a spot?  Also, Rick VandenHurk (12.38) got rocked... again.  In his inning, RVH walked Paul Konerko then served up a gopher ball to Brent Morel.  Let's see them rationalize it when they keep him...

At the Cubbies tomorrow @ the usual 4:05p.

P.s. The Indians are a Cactus League worst 6-15.

Pretty Girl 03.27.12 - Meaghan Rath

So, yeah, Being Human is only mildly entertaining, but it's wicked awesome when a show pimps out their mildly hot chick in a heavy make-up/bra & panties scene.  I'll say it again: panties.  Nice.  ;-j

Just In From the Desert

Hot Corner:  The official word is still that the third base job will not be awarded until the last possible moment, but if anyone thinks that Lonnie Chisenhall (.205, .456 OPS, 0 HR, 16/39 K/AB) is going to win it, I have some real estate in Detroit that you would absolutely adore.  Jack Hannahan returned to the line-up today after missing 10 days with a stiff lower back and doubled in both of his ABs.  Cap'n Jack is now clipping at an even .300 with a .900 OPS.

#5:  Despite an inconsistent outing against the Cubs on Sunday (5 IP, 7 H, 3 ER, 3 BB, 3 K), Jeanmar Gomez (1-1, 1.69 ERA, .196 OBA, 1.06 WHIP) still holds a sizable lead in the race for the last rotation spot.  One would have to assume that David Huff (1-1, 5.79, .298 OBA) is ahead of Kevin Slowey (0-3, 6.75, .352), but it's purely academic at this point.

Left Of Center:  I don't care what Manny Acta says or how distasteful a .216 batting average is, Shelley Duncan has won this job with 5 homers and 15 ribs.  Bear in mind though that Acta has directly contradicted himself on the matter this spring.  Back on March 7th, Acta told us that he wanted a player with "a nice blend of offense and defense."  A mere 16 days later, he had changed his tune, stating "You need to hit. We can't have a pecking order for defensive left fielders here. We need to see some stuff, some offense, some production."  16 days!  Did he actually change his mind?  Hell, no!  You know what you call that?  Unrepentant hypocrisy!  The man never tells us anything.  He just keeps talking in his puppy-cute broken English, making funny little jibes and pretending like he actually possesses the ability to evaluate talent or motivate players.  I've said it before and I'll say it again - Manny Acta is an idiot and the Indians organization confirms its dedication to mediocrity by retaining him.

Somewhere Out There:  So who's still competing?  Aaron Cunningham (.222) singled in three trips today, while Felix Pie (.231) had an RBI hit after replacing him.  Ryan Spilborghs (.171) once again went hitless and has simply run out of time to win a spot.  I count Matt LaPorta (.167) and Fred Lewis (.214) out as well.  Although Russ Canzler (.297) has had a solid spring, his .674 OPS is troubling.  Given Cunningham's contract situation and Pie's defense, Canzler has fallen to a distant third.  I don't know why I ever doubted this one.  Unless Cunningham in injured, he will be on the roster.  That's what you get for trading for an unproved kid who is out of options.

Bench Me:  Jose Lopez (.351) was 0-for-4 today, but will be the last man on the bench.  The next person who mentions Andy LaRoche gets busted in the mouth.

Mightier Than the Sword:  Here's where it gets goddamn tricky.  By mid-market logic, newly acquired Rick VandenHurk is a shoe-in because he's out of options, but he got lit up on Saturday (0.2 IP, 2 ER, 2 K) and has an 11.57 ERA and a 2.43 WHIP overall this spring.  Jeremy Accardo has the best numbers of the bunch (1.50 ERA, SV), which obviously means that he's out of the running.  The word on the street is that Dan Wheeler (9.00 ERA, .382 OBA) has nearly pitched himself into a spot.  Great.  I look forward to 5 weeks of Dan the Gas Man fueling the fire before he is unceremoniously released.  And what about Chris Ray?  9.00 is cool, but 11.25 is out of line.  Ray actually has the same WHIP (2.00) as Wheeler and a better OBA (.352).  Oh, but Wheeler was sooooo good with Tampa Bay 3 years ago.  That's an outstanding reason to put him in the bullpen.  Shit, it doesn't really matter.  Frank Herrmann (6.48) has won one spot and he's fine as the long man and the Indians went 30-15 to start last season with Chad Durbin torching shit.

Red Tags:  Expect cuts on Thursday.

The Indians take on the White Sox tomorrow at 4:05p in Glendale.  Should you care to listen, it'll be on MMS @ 7p.

Cheers

Pretty Girl 03.24.12 - Ashley Benson

w/ Selna Gomez, Vanessa Hudgens (yes as a blonde) & Rachel Korine

If you're not yet excited about Spring Breakers... you will be.

Pretty Girl 03.23.12 - Alex

So I fell in love with her in a dream last night.  So what?  That's totally normal. [She's Kenny's season 3 gf on Eastbound and Down]

Pretty Girl 03.20.12 - Bryce Dallas Howard

She's so anomalous.  Her dad is freaky.  She's better looking as a blond.  But, hells yeah, she's hot.

While I Was Sminking...

Yeah, so for those of you who might have forgotten or never paid the fuck attention, I sometimes skew my perceptions via the ingestion of intoxicating spirits.  Generally, that makes for an awesome time in the moment, but an abysmal recovery period.  After a deep pass with the creature, I become incredibly depressed.  The status quo is that I care very little for the world around me and the resultant chemical withdrawal leaves me unable to disregard the despair.  So yeah, when the high holidays come on down, there might be some gaps.  For now, strap yourselves in, a lot happened whilst I was in my stupors.

(1)  How Sweet It Is!

Hailing from a city that has not won a championship in 48 years, cheering my soul out for a team that has seen futility for a decade more than that and an alma mater that was, at best, an afterthought in the NCAA, this is particularly heartening.  So to every asshole that told me that I was picking with my heart when my brackets had the 'Cats in the round of 16, grab a handful of broken glass and go fuck yourselves.

Bobcats/Wolverines Highlights



Bobcats/Bulls Highlights



Cats Chat



(2) Just In From the Desert -

We're just gonna cover the broad strokes...

Hot Corner:  Defensive ability suggests that Jack Hannahan (.222, HR, 5 RBI, .667 OPS) should be seen as the leader over Lonnie Chisenhall (.231, 3 RBI, .490 OPS, 10/26 K/AB), but Manny Acta insists that this battle will not be decided until the last day of camp.

#5:  Jeanmar Gomez went four scoreless innings against the Dodgers today allowing just one hit (on a Russ Canzler misplay in left).  That's 11 total for the spring with an OBA of .114.  While we cannot expect this kind of production during the regular season, it cannot be disregarded in his candidacy for the fifth starter spot.  Scott Barnes, the only other pitcher with comparable stats (7 IP, 0 R, .200 OBA, 0.86 WHIP), has been removed from competition.  The other "contenders" - David Huff (5.73 ERA, .311 OBA, 1.45 WHIP), Kevin Slowey (5.63, .359, 1.88) & Zach McAllister (4.50, .292, 1.33) - have simply not delivered on the same level as Gomez.

Left Of Center:  Although Shelley Duncan's batting average (.217) is low, he leads the team with 3 bombs and is far in front with 10 RBI, not to mention his .966 OPS.  Matt LaPorta (.188, 1 RBI, .445 OPS) has shown no desire to showcase himself for this position, while Felix Pie (.158, .516) has done even less (other than running into a wall).

Somewhere Out There:  Russ Canzler continues to hit (.355), except that he has just one double in the XBH column and his OPS is an underwhelming .799 for a guy with such a high BA.  Also, he is not real slick in the field.  Aaron Cunningham (.208, .500 OPS) remains in competition only because the Indians gave up talent to get him and he is out of options.  I have no idea why Ryan Spilborghs is hanging around.  His offensive numbers (.214, .531, plus a .768 career OPS with home games at Coors Field) are shit and, despite the fact that some seem to believe that he is an asset defensively, the rTot/yr is awful at every spot (-11 LF, -16 CF, -12 RF)!  He is an asset exactly nowhere!  Ezequiel Carrera has already been outrighted to AAA and god help us if they take Fred Lewis (.214, .675).

Bench Me:  I will keep updating Jose Lopez's statistics until Acta officially announces that the former all-star has made the team.  Currently - .417, 2 HR, 6 RBI, 1.231 OPS, 1/24 K/AB

Mightier Than the Sword:  Frank Herrmann (6.43 ERA) has rebounded from an horrific first appearance to allow just one run in his last 6 innings.  Given his leg up entering the process, he is likely in.  Nick Hagadone (1.29 ERA, 1.00 WHIP, 0 BB) and Jeremy Accardo (1.80 ERA) have also looked good.  I would consider Dan Wheeler (12.00 ERA, .444 OBA, 2.50 WHIP) and Chris Ray (12.86 ERA, .382 ERA, 2.29 WHIP) dead in the water.  The complication comes from the Perez boys.  Neither Chris nor Raffy has thrown a single inning yet this spring.  If Rafael is out, then Hagadone is obviously the 2nd lefty.  If both are sidelined, things become very interesting with even Wheeler and Ray getting new life.  Remember Chris Seddon (3.38 ERA, 7/5.1 K/IP) as a dark horse.

Red Tags: Carrera, Juan Diaz, Hector Ambriz, Michel Hernandez, Corey Kluber

(3)  I missed a bunch of pretty girls, but I'm not going to post like 5 sets all at once.  Instead, here is a set of the only chick on the hottest women of Irish descent list whom I have yet to post.  Y'know cuz this all happened (or didn't) because of St Pat's...

 

4)  Here's a trailer for a neat new Tim Burton flick that is chock fulla hot broads.  US Law compels me not to say which one I think is the best.  ;-j



Opens 05.11.12

5)  oh, OK.  I was gonna have to post these eventually.  Enjoy the KKK action.  I'll see y'all real soon.  Cheers.

Cheers.

Stacking the Barack-ets

How does anyone who loves sports not vote for this guy?

Word Of the Day - "Chipotle"

Pretty Girl 03.15.12 - Abigail Klein

It's the best sports day of the year (Tourney Time, Baby!), so here's a (former) cheerleader (now "actress") for you.  I'll be sminking.

Cheers.